1) Go to Career Cruising
2) Login nycareers:landmark
3) Take the career matchmaker quiz and list the top 10 results

1. Multimedia Developer
2. Business Systems Analyst
3. Website Designer
4. ESL Teacher
5. Foreign Language Instructor
6. Technical Writer
7. Web Developer
8. Professor
9. Special Effects Technician
10. Video Game Developer

That’s after one additional extended test. Looks like I’m looking in the right place. Helpful enough, I guess?

Wolfowitz, RZA to address World Bank panel Monday

See, much better.

Perhaps my mind and body were merely suffering the effects of “time travel“– after all, the night before I had jumped into my secret way-back-time-machine, set the dial to the year 2000, and landed surreptitiously at 111 Minna for the venture capital-fueled netvibes.com launch party and their full open bar. No, I’m quite certain that was not the cause of my affliction.

Wallowing briefly in the alcohol-soaked parties, reading the now-mainstream hype about Web 2.0 (was it ever anything but mainstream?) and the promise of a community-driven, blog-and-wiki-infused panacea for the new Web Economy, it occurred to me, “I’ve sipped of this Kool-Aid before.” Nearly a decade ago, I had been an attendant of Web99– then under the employ of Miller Freeman (long since swallowed by CMP) as a print production editor and proto-web commerce designer for publications servicing the sanitary napkin & diaper industry. I remember the billboards about clicks-and-mortar business, and about whether their web pages were “sticky.” There was that awe– staring into the infinity of possibilities (technical and financial) that were being afforded to anyone with the pluck to embrace their electronic salvation. Of course, just about everyone who immersed themselves in it was burned in one way or another over coming years. The desire to have that old-time rosy outlook back is incredibly strong, but looking at the current offerings, this isn’t what’s gonna do it.

Not to be overwhelmingly pessimistic… there is a lot to be hopeful for out there. There are people who were around back then who have maintained their perspective, learned from the past, and continue to innovate and analyze. Reading Merlin Mann of 43Folders, Brian Oberkirch over at Like It Matters, or Kathy Sierra from the Headrush series (hope she comes back), or Annalee Newitz at Techsploitation, or Bruno Giussani at LunchOverIP.com or listening to researchers and futurists from the TED conference like Hans Rosling– these people offer a reason for optimism. They’re hinting that this all maybe heading in the right direction after all… even if we’re not quit there yet. They offer a much-needed reminder after enduring row-after-row of slathering snake-oil salesmen at that awful conference, that there are people out there who aren’t simply out to take advantage of trends to make a buck (not to begrudge the right of any of those folks to make a few dollars off their punditry or tech skills).

It’s good to know, as someone teetering on the edge of jumping into self-employed business, that you can still run the Web 2.0 bullshit generator, write a business proposal ensuring a VC firm that you firmly believe in your buzzwords, and get funded. However, if I never see a company founded on some incremental improvement in a self-obsoleting technology, or hear the word “mashup” as part of a startup’s fundamental business plan, I’ll be incredibly happy.

So today, the Roman Catholic Church– with the authorization of Pope Benedict XVI, the Pope-a-Razi himself– officially eliminated the concept of limbo from Church doctrine.

This is really too bad. From what I’ve read in books, there’s not a whole lot of fun in Catholic Church doctrine, so limbo seemed like a pretty good concept. And a great dance! Everybody Limbo!

Anyway, I guess they’ve decided that all the unbaptized kids are gonna have a chance to be saved, which is really great. It was a travesty to think about all the poor Catholic kids who had the involuntary misfortune to go unbaptized, and would have to do this crazy back-bending dance for all eternity… undoubtedly with Chubby Checker playing in the background the whole time.

Thinking about limbo, for no reason in particular, I was reminded of this early 70s sitcom, Steambath. It was based on the Bruce Jay Freedman play about a buncha people stuck in a steambath that turns out to be sort of like the afterlife, or limbo, and God (played by José Pérez in both the 70s & 80s shows) is the attendant who picks up the towels and occasionally casts the members off to their final destinations. Worth noting, The show starred Valerie Perrine, who on that show became the first woman to expose her nipples on American broadcast television.

George Alexander Trebek (born as Giorgi Suka-Alex Trebek on July 22, 1940)

He was just standing there, perusing the frozen enchiladas. It was unmistakably Alex Trebek, however I have no proof, except my aging memory that it was, in fact, THE Alex Trebek. Maybe it was a tall, gray haired, mustachioed man who looked like Alex Trebek. I will never know.

So this weekend is “Blog Against Theocracy” weekend. I heard about it from Tristero over at one of my mandatory daily reads: Digby’s Hullabaloo. Good timing for it, as it turns out this weekend is gonna be full of old-time-religion… well, ok, updated for the ‘aughts religion anyway. Heading up to southern Oregon in a few hours to celebrate Easter, then coming back on Sunday to have belated Passover seder. The modern, secularized versions of both these holidays are pretty innocuous for the non-believer: Easter has bunnies, chocolate and egg hunts; Passover has lamb’s blood and pestilence a hearty meal, good wine and spirited discussion of current events.

This themed weekend also got me thinking about Octavia Butler’s Parable books and their horrific tale of the rise of corporate serfdom and fascistic theocracy. If you were ever looking for a reason– outside the day-to-day events of local and global politics– to fear the encroachment of theocratic theory into modern governance, go no further than Butler’s two books Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents. These truly frightening books predict a future that is not only plausible, but extant in some parts of the world, and coming to fruition in our own.

That’s it for this blog against theocracy and pro separation of church & state … for today. Off to the land of chocolate & matzoh (and maybe even chocolate matzoh).

U.S. Theocracy
Rating: 0 out of 5 stars
To those in government helping to bring Armageddon, with all due respect: FU.

Easter
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
Bunnies! Baskets of eggs & platic grass! Chocolate! Weeee!

Passover
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars
One word: Gefilte Fish.

Coat of arms of the Meuse department

Come to think of it, I’ve gotten around… so to speak. A quick recolection says I’ve patronized, in no particular order:
Wine Bar (2 Embarcadero @ Commercial)
Bacar (448 Brannan @ 3rd St.)
1550 Hyde (1550 Hyde St. @ Pacific)
Cav (1666 Market @ Van Ness)
Nua (550 Green @ Grant)
Blackwell’s Wines (5620 Geary @ 20th Ave.)
Ferry Plaza Wine Merchant (In the Ferry Building)
S.N.O.B. (1327 Polk @ Bush)
Amelie (1754 Polk @ Washington)

And now I can add Cafe Meuse (1400 Pacific @ Hyde) to the list. A quick Google/Yelp search says I’m not even close to having sampled all the wine bars in The City, but you gotta aspire to something … right? Anyway, a plurality of these places have been truly lame. Even if they served a decent mug of wine, the atmosphere has been nauseating. Cafe Meuse was so low key, so comfortable, and so eerily packed with attractive women…. it was shocking (out of 25 people in the joint 5 were male). Turns out Wednesday is “ladies night,” meaning 2-for-1 wine for “ladies.” The wine list was outstanding, and the prices were acceptably moderate. They also served small plates of tapas-like food, which I didn’t try.

This place is TOTALLY METAL. It’s especially bone-crushingly heavy on Wednesdays. (ok it’s not…it’s just really nice and pleasant, I’m still in the habbit of reviewing rock shows)

Cafe Meuse
Rating: 6 out of 6 stars
Tried a Malbec and a Chardonnay, and a bowl of olives. All superlative.

Cattle Decapitation, Daughters, The Locust
@ Slim’s, $15

The single concentrated-energy-force working against the Slim’s Vortex of Ennui was Cattle Decapitation. These guys are the embodiment of suburban grindcore– they’re everything metal should be. Throughout the show, I kept waiting for the singer’s throat to just rip open and erupt in a bloody geyser, but for no reason I can think of, it didn’t happen. This guy has a HUGE range, but he only uses the lowest and highest ends of it. It’s either low growl or white-noise screech. Guitar and bass were heavy and fast, and the drums had that crisp tone that makes a double-bass roll sound like a machine gun. Probably got the most enjoyment of the whole show with these guys.

Take Eugene Robinson from Oxbow and Glenn Danzig, feed their offspring nothing but heroin, give him a $200 haircut and bad mustache and you have the singer of Daughters. The band looked mostly like the 2nd string cast of The OC, but at least they get points for enthusiasm. Every single song they played had a hypnotic, completely addictive, inconceivably precise groove that lasted nearly …. 5 or 6 seconds. The remainder of every song sounded like the noisecore equivalent of the shower scene from Psycho. Over and over and over. Also, the singer vomited on stage, then sucked his vomit back up. At the end of the last song he deep-throated the microphone and, again, vomited all over it. I’d hate to be the stage tech to take care of that. High point of the set: the girl in the back of the audience screaming at the top of her lungs: “Do more drugs!”

I don’t have a lot to say about the Locust this time. It’s not clear whether my expectations were set way too high, or if they really were that mindblowing the first time I saw them and they just didn’t measure up this time. There are few bands around who play as technically, and precisely as the Locust. The musicianship is out of control…. it’s phenomenal. Nobody misses a beat, everything is through-composed within an inch of its life, and the sound is incredible. The Locust are truly amazing to watch, but somehow the energy that normally accompanies their set just wasn’t there. Maybe it was the venue’s fault– that wouldn’t surprise me. For the most part, the crowd just stood there and stared, and the band seemed to play to that. Again, a vicious cycle. They’re still the only band out there with that big of an analog synth rig…. it’s impressive, and makes impressive noise. Everyone in the band is badass at what they do. I’ll still see them again.

Cattle Decapitation
Rating: 5.5 out of 6 stars
Grindcore gods. Metal that makes your teeth shake.

Daughters
Rating: 2 out of 6 stars
The band rocked enough. The singer was high-pitched and nauseous.

The Locust
Rating: 5 out of 7 stars
Screaming set, as usual. Somehow Slim’s sucked the energy away.

The cat has been tried by the media. And found GUILTY. C’mon, it just looks guilty.

Totimoshi, Monotonix, Genghis Tron, Kylesa
@ Uptown, $8

Years ago, a friend who worked at a tobacconist relayed a story about a longtime customer who came in one day, furious because he was sold stale pipe tobacco. The store apologized profusely, and gave him a fresh bag. Next day he came in still angry, accusing them of getting a bad batch. The owner, who recognized the behavior immediately, secretly mixed in a sweeter tobacco and said, “try this batch.” The guy was satisfied, and the owner brought out the chestnut about taste buds changing every [seven] years or so and how old tastes go stale. I was hoping this show would provide a reason to warm the previous tepid review…. but no. My realization was that they didn’t really change at all– they played like they always play. The songs are still good; they still play the hell out of their instruments. The thing is, they look like the could play the songs with their eyes closed…. but maybe they shouldn’t. It looks like they’re playing in separate, isolated rooms in a recording studio, only hearing eachother through monitors– it’s almost like the members aren’t quite aware of eachother’s existence. Enough about that. I’m still a fan, and I’ll still probably see the next show… and hope they sweeten the set, just a bit. Also worth noting, Totimoshi did not set themselves on fire.

Monotonix flew all the way here from Tel Aviv, Israel, and boy are their arms tired. Or maybe their arms are tired from being ON FIRE. I felt bad: after the show, I commented to the guitarist that they were “so NOT American.” But the club was loud and the explanation went nowhere. It was a compliment, and I really wanted to convey that the anthemic rock, the stage antics, the thick accents … all very “foreign,” even … particularly Israeli… but so totally refreshing. Monotonix wasn’t fucking around. They played serious stadium-ready rock ‘n’ roll, and filled more sonic space with one guitar, one drummer, and one singer than most 5-piece ensembles. Most 5-piece ensembles also don’t set themselves on fire. They set up their gear *in* the audience, marched around with chairs on their heads, stood on tables, got all up in the audience (thinking back to seeing 31 Knots … I guess I just like that sorta thing in a band). It’s funny that it takes a band from across the world to come here and show us how to play “Real American Rock ‘N’ Roll.” Glad they did. Did I mention they set themselves on fire?

Genghis Tron took a long time to set up, especially considering they had most of Monotonix’s set to get their shit on stage. Once they finally started playing, they were pretty impressive. The last time I tried to listen to any kind of electronic/metal hybrid was “Fear Factory” back in the 90s. This is much, much better. Two keyboard/synths + monster guitar. This guy on guitar… a bit of a rock savant. Lots of two-hand tapping, and shredding. The beats were all electronic. All other sounds were electronic, except for the vocals… which may as well have been electronically synthesized screams. Totally frenetic rock, but that’s their schtick. After Monotonix, they just seemd a bit too stuffy to be rockin’ like that that. Also, they didn’t set themselves on fire.

Even though Kylesa started around the time the show was supposed to end, it was worth sticking around for these guys. Kylesa know how to play metal. It’s hard to pull off two drummers…. but they did alright. Anybody who caught the Melvins show with their new Big Business infused lineup is spoiled to this configuration. These two did a really good job of unison drumming, but didn’t seem to play around too much. Their particular lineup was just there to produce a wall of sound: two drums, two guitars, and one monster bass player who may as well have been two or three basses. This guy was insane. I spent some of the show trying to imagine what a band with Kylesa’s bass player and Genghis Tron’s guitarist would sound like. Probably mush. Anyway, they were heavy has hell. Unfortunately, they, during no point in their entire set, lit anything (let alone themselves) on fire.

Totimoshi
Rating: 2.5 out of 11 stars
Solid set. They rocked. They finished their set.

Monotonix
Rating: 11 out of 11 stars
They. Set. Themselves. On. Fire.

Genghis Tron
Rating: 3.5 out of 11 stars
Frenetic electrometal. Rocking Guitar. Screaming.

Kylesa
Rating: 5.5 out of 11 stars
Seriously metal. They’re serious. About metal.

The Uptown
Rating: 3 out of 3 stars
Big odd space. Pricey Drinks. Decent sound. East Bay.